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Category Archives: Urination

You made it this far so I will let you in on a closely guarded secret of mine… Please don’t tell anyone, I would hate for this to get out… Okay, *deepish breath*…

I was the guy who told Castro that Kennedy and Oswald swapped places, allowing Jack Ruby to be sent in to finish the job. The US government, however, caught wind of the Cuban plot and convinced Ruby to defect. The deal was simple; they would protect him if he agreed to pose as Oswald, relieving Kennedy of the job. Unfortunately at this point Kennedy had gotten a taste for blood and insisted that he be allowed to kill Ruby. The plan was that the Cubans would see Oswald (who they thought was Kennedy, but was really their man Ruby) die and mistakenly assume they had won. The Mafia, however, caught on. After Kennedy shot Ruby, they swapped Ruby’s cold medication (which was administered intravenously to Kennedy) with [REDACTED], causing a pulmonary embolism and the death of our disguised former-president. Ladies and gentlemen, the President is dead. Long live the President!

Nah, I’m kidding, Elvis Killed Kennedy.